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Happy New Year

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It’s been a while since I’ve blogged on here, and to be honest I feel a bit bad about that.

A couple of reasons really, I’ve been busy writing two plays and continueing with all the other writing commitments that I have. I’m struggling with an ongoing back problem which has made it just bareable to carry on working, but leaving me exhausted in the evening and just being damn right lazy.

I’m still to blog about my trip to NYC, the saga with my ailing back and my Christmas radio play.

For the person who read a review I did about a certain play that I endured at The Lowry who went on to say that I was a frustrated writer and hadn’t finished anything. Well I have and I had a radio play broadcast four times over Christmas. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Eve. I’m also well on my way to writing two out of six episodes of my comedy drama “The Starr GIrls” – yes you read it here first. Determined to get those finished and hopefully graduate this year with my MA in Television and Radio Scriptwriting, unless my back gets in the way. It would be a fabulous achievement to have completed my undergraduate and postgraduate degrees in my thirties.

With the new year comes those awful new years resolutions. What is it that a different day, brings with it a time of reflection and the need to change things about oneself.

I don’t like new years resolutions – I much prefer to set myself targets. That way if I fail miserably I won’t feel like such a failure which I think with resolutions you do. I know, it’s the same thing really isn’t it?

What are yours? I love finding out from people.

I’m going to be joining weightwatchers again on Thursday – along with half of the population I suspect. I don’t know what’s happened to me in the past 18 months but my will power got up and left me, and with it it’s left some extra flab and a horrendous sweet tooth. I managed to lose a couple of stones before I started the job where I am now. But overtime it’s slowly crept back on. Not helped with having to decrease my exercise when my back started giving me hell shortly after returning from holiday in September. So back to fat club I will go, back to counting points, being hungry and if I am a grumpy cow at the moment it will get worse when my belly is screaming out for snickers and custard creams.

Facebook. Oh yes indeed this one rears it’s ugly head as I realise how much time I spend reading posts every day. I have eased myself off posting things on there other than posters, captions etc but I do need to stop reading it before I get up in the morning. It winds me up – full of attention seekers, show offs, baby bores or moaners. I much prefer twitter and have a fondness for a number of my followers, but just love the way I can watch TV and find out the opinion of others who are watching the same show as me. Powerful stuff.

I’ve already mentioned trying to pass my degree this year. I’m also going to try and not be a doormat that certain people in my life only contact when they want something. In future I am going to put myself first, and to stop tieing myself in knots to try and please folk.

Every payday I am going to treat myself to an item of clothing. Over Christmas I have looked through my wardrobe which is full of clothes which I never wear anymore, clothes that are faded and tattered. I have a couple of pairs of shoes and that is all. I realise that I really need to invest in making myself feel better about myself and it starts with clothes. A woman of my age should not live in converse, and work shoes – have no clothes to go shopping in other than jeans and a hoodie. No more, I wouldn’t think twice about spending money on my kids so it’s time to spend a little on myself.

And that’s it. There’s enough there to keep me going in 2014. We’ll see how many I actually achieve by the time I reach the end of this year. But, no matter what I do or don’t achieve this year one thing I did do was finally go to New York City. If I never do anything more with my life at least I have the fabulous memories of that wonderful city.

Welcome 2012

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This is my first blog of the year, so happy new year if you are one of the viewers who have found me by googling Paula Abdul’s hair and 80’s fashion.

Odd number years are generally a bit rubbish for me – so I am thrilled that we are in evens again this year. Hurrah!

2011 started off as a really great year for me. I was enjoying running which is something that has never happened before. At one point I was clocking up 11 mile runs which, for me was such an achievement. It took over my leisure time – so much so that I had decided to give netball up for a season so that I could concentrate on running and entering races. Oh yes! I was very fit and lost loads of weight in the first quarter of the year.

Until I slipped my disk in May – and then my life took a drastic turn. I could barely walk, no idea how I managed to work during what was a very busy period with exam boards and graduation. It also affected my confidence and I found myself suffering with depression and the panic attacks reared their ugly head.

Yes May to September were a particular tough few months. Thank god I have a great husband who took care of me, and sacrificed our “holiday of a lifetime” to the USA because I was unfit both physically and mentally to travel.

I don’t know exactly how I slipped the disk. Having woken up one Tuesday morning and feeling the most excruciating pain run down my buttock and leg – it’s a mystery. There are a few things that happened during that period, one being that a guy ran into the back of my car while I was stationary – however, there was no damage to the car so I never did do anything about that. Swine –he could be the reason why I spent my summer in misery.

The latter part of the year was fine. A much needed holiday to Portugal was just the order for the family to spend some quality time together, and we got away to Germany for Xmas which was lovely.

So what am I hoping for 2012?

Well definitely no more injuries. I am hoping to start running properly again, and play some gentle netball every now and again.

I generally don’t make new years resolutions as they are so hard to keep. Yes I need to lose weight, yes I could do with not drinking alcohol for a while and each year I want to stop biting my nails.

Instead of resolutions I give myself goals. So a few goals I want to achieve this year.

  • Pass the first year of my Masters degree
  • Do an activity that I have never done before
  • Visit a place I have never been before
  • See my family more than I did in 2011
  • Each month the husband and I are going to take it in turns to organise an activity for us to do as a couple.

Hopefully I will achieve all those goals and 2012 will be an eventful and fulfilling year.

Blog slacker

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As this year draws to a close, I realise how little I have been blogging since I really injured my back, which was back in May.

It’s amazing at how an injury such as a slipped disc can change your whole outlook on life. I know there are many people in far worse health than I have been, but it has been really tough.

I look back to how fit I was in April when I completed theSalford10k. I felt amazing, both physically and mentally and my passion had grown for running. My longest run being 11.5 miles which at the start of the year I would never have anticipated that I could achieve.

Then 21st May 2011 I woke up with the worse pain I have ever experienced in my left buttock and leg. The next four months felt like hell. I tried chiropractic, intense physiotherapy and massage.  I felt the most stress ever in July when I was still crippled in pain and due to go to the States for 3 weeks with my family. In the end I wasn’t fit enough to travel, both physically and mentally.

Oh yes mentally! That was a massive shock to the system. I wasn’t prepared for how depressed I would feel. Injuries are not just a physical thing, but a mental one too. I suffered a couple of panic attacks which I hadn’t suffered with for years, so that really knocked my confidence. I didn’t feel myself, I had become desperate and pathetic – needing other people to keep me calm. How the hell had that happened? I hated myself every day that I felt like that. My poor husband must have felt so suffocated.

At the time of writing I have began running just a mile every other day. This feels like I am on the mend, but still hoping that my netball days are not behind me and that I will still be in a position to be able to play again. I am awaiting an MRI scan results too, although the scan was taken three months too late given that the pain has diminished somewhat.

I’ll never take my health for granted again. Being incapacitated and having to rely on other people is the worst experience ever. The darkest days being when my sons had to help me put my socks, shoes and tie my laces for me. I hope I never have to go through that again.